My future in your “Haan”..

Amused as I was with the happenings,

Nothing had dazzled me yet..

But the foam on his muzzled lips..

Made the smile linger longer on my lips..

Water droplets shone on his tousled hair,

Glittering brighter than the ring in my hand..

As I clutched it tighter in my palm,

I wondered when it would be the right time to ask..

The hesitation on my face evident..

He read me clear as if on stone..

He went down on one knee and said..

Love, Will you Marry Me?

I’ll now need the ring in your hand..

Yeah, it’s me asking but my future is on your “haan”!!!

I’ve been better..

When he proposed to me, I remember him telling me that I should take the jump only if I will never ask him to quit his job.

I was so head over heels in love with that man that I just said, “Yesssss”. Not that I regret it, but not all days can he spent being proud of him.

I never realized the intensity of the situation. I never thought that one day, I would look back and question myself as to why didn’t I think it through.

Even now as I write this, my heart goes out to him. I want to hug him, kiss him and make love to him. I want to see his smiling face and I know I want to spend my life with him.

But all through this journey, there’s one thing I’ve learnt..

Not all days are the same..

There are days when you are so cheerful and about . You think to yourself how lucky you got. You count your blessings . You think about all the amazing days and nights.

You pray for his safety. You wish that he comes back to you soon. You write letters and long messages for him to read when he’s back.

And if you are like me , you would wrap gifts and make greeting cards for him to read. You would write down messages on a sticky note and paste it all around the house to make him smile. You would want to cook for him. And do things which you know he would love.

But then there are days when you want to give up and not feel strong anymore. You want to cry out loud and tell how much you miss him. You wait near the phone patiently for hours for that one call from him and when that one call comes but you can’t hear him properly.

His beautiful voice coming in parts. You hear a broken sound of, ” I…….. You” and you fill in the love in it. You want to ask him when he’ll come back but you hold back thinking about how much he misses you and wants to come back to you. And when his heart hears your unspoken words , he says “Very soon”.

The static in the phone louder than your voices but never dimming your love. You try to wipe your silent tears and pray for his safety.

There are days when you are in your lowest and you want him to ask you , “how was your day baby?” But you come back to an empty home. When you badly want that middle-of-the-day “I’m always with you love” text but your phone notifications show empty.

You want to rip your heart out and ask if you really wanted this. But you see his smiling face in it and you know that’s all you want. And you realize the true meaning of ..

It’s easy falling in love, it’s even more easier falling out of it but what’s difficult is staying in love.

You look through all these rough days to the day when he’s back in your arms. You’ll know he is worth the wait. You look forward to that day and push through today.

You work everyday towards your relationship and to keep it the way it always has been….Ours and Perfect!!!

And during one of those not-so-good days, when someone asks you if you are fine and with all the courage you can summon up you say..

Oh yes. But I’ve been better…

It’s always like the first..

I woke up with the biggest smile plastered on my face and no, it wasn’t my birthday that day.But nevertheless I did feel like I would be reborn that day.

I woke up , looked in the mirror and told myself, “You better make yourself pretty today!” 😛

I spent an hour in bath, another hour in selecting the dress and 10 mins in front of the mirror!!

I was already late to pick up my Mr. Navy. (So much for the “look pretty” day)

But it really doesn’t matter because you know that Mr.Navy knows how I look on my best days. I suppose you thought I would say “looks doesn’t matter” but at that point , he was seeing me after 3 months and then looks do matter or at least I thought it does. Of course it did ok, I can’t look fat or darker when he sees me again.

I like it when he gives me the slow music – wind blowing – roses falling out of nowhere look. It’s like a self-appreciation pat on the back of maintaining my beauty over one of the worst periods of life.

Yes , it is one of the worst days of my life when he has to go back on job. Yes, I’m proud of him but no, I can’t watch him go away Everytime and feel good about it.

Anyway, after my serious efforts of trying to look good I pull myself near the bus stand where he’s supposed to step down and we would have our slow music – wind blowing – roses falling out of nowhere moment and I would run towards him in slow motion and then the vehicle honking sound behind me. Oops, I was in the middle of a traffic signal and the vehicle seemed to be in a lot more hurry than me. Bwahahah!!!

I pulled aside and parked my Fascino. I checked the time – 12 mins to the ETA. I clutched my hand tight and kept staring into the horizon of the road filled with various buses. Every second seemed like eternity.

I tried to come up with witty responses to his questions in my head. I played with scenarios about how it would be. I tried to picture his face in my head with that smile which would brighten up my world. I tried to imagine the way his arms would feel around me. I was lost in the depth of his voice in my head where he would call out my name.

And snap, my phone rings pulling me out of my trance state. Voila, it’s my Mr. Navy. I receive the call and say “Hello baby” in the best seductive voice and a grumpy voice answers me back

“Haan sun , I’m stuck in traffic and I’ll be late. Mera phone battery down hai. Switch off hojayega. I’ll meet you in same place.

All my dreams shattered at once. I some how pick up the pieces and try to stitch it back to make a different dream where after a long wait I have the same slow music – wind blowing – roses falling out of nowhere hug and I added a little twist where I would be upset and he’d coax me with his charm . Woahhh!!

After a gruelling one hour wait in the unsympathetic heat of the sun, a Pink Bus stops and a wind – beaten weather – struck long – beard man steps out looking like he would drop any moment.

But the same man had the shine of a thousand stars in his eyes and the strength of a elephant in his arms. At least, strength of one elephant left in it.

Mr. Navy had arrived. He looked at me and a smile grew on his parched lips.

And for me, the world stopped. I forgot all my planned dialogues, all the scenarios and all I could see was the man of my dreams in front of me who was in a bad I-need-you- right-now state. I couldn’t move. I froze right there. I kept staring into blank space.

He approached me and hugged me tight . I stood there frozen and to anyone’s eyes I looked like a stranger with him. But I didn’t care. I was with him. He was with me.

I didn’t want to move or say anything. I just wanted to hug him and cry out loud. I wanted to scream and hit him and complain loud. I wanted to hug him and kiss him and tell him how much I love him.

But deep down, I also wanted to play my scenarios so I could make him laugh :p

That was it. I wanted to make him smile. I wanted to keep him happy. I wanted him to be safe. I wanted him. That’s all.

And then was when I realized that no matter what every time he comes back from his job, it’s always always always..

“LIKE THE FIRST TIME!!”

One being..

I write this hoping that you wouldn’t read it ..

I write this hoping that you would see it..

The truth isn’t always bitter , sometimes it’s poison..

Life in it’s irony carves a way out of nothing..

But this nothing seems to fill the crevices of everything..

Loneliness is just a feeling ..

No , it’s not soothing..

Waiting for you is a bitter feeling..

Acceptance of it is makes it easier in dealing..

Not telling you about it is hurting..

But talking about it is killing…

All I end up doing is crying..

But my silence reaches your heart through the noise..

Yet I subside all these feelings..

Coz being strong is the real meaning..

Of a flawed relationship like ours..

Nothing exists beyond the ceiling..

And the universe stands still as we become one being..❤️

Tera Zikar..

Tera zikar jisme Kia na ho..
Aisa koi lamha na ho..
Har dhadkan naam le Tera..
Warna jeene ki wajah na ho..

Mehek Teri rahe har saans mein..
Aur koi khushboo na ho..
Awaaz teri goonje har Disha mein..
Aur koi shor na ho..

Aahat sirf teri mehsoos ho..
Koi aur ehsaas na ho..
Tu hi rahe har Kshitij mein..
Aur koi chehra na ho

An Eternal Feeling..

Half of my heart is out at sea..

Life beyond the everyday Glee..

Praying for my man at the sea..

He brought out the warrior in me..

Waiting seems like an eternal feeling..

Running to find the meaning..

Out of this wonderful camaraderie..

Making sense of my wishful thinking..

Sorting out memoires for my inner being..

It wasn’t just the irony of the living..

It had more to do with seeing..

The truth of life and it’s meaning..

Livid but hopeless was it’s reasoning..

Wanting just his presence over anything..

B’coz his smile was my everything..

The brightness of his eyes shining..

The sweetness of his lips smiling..

The touch of his arms so caring..

Yet he’s a warrior always fighting..

And then comes his beckoning..

He walks with head held high without turning..

I bid my goodbye without crying..

And yet again..

Waiting seems like an eternal feeling!!

It was him…

via It was him…

My wonderful King,

To My wonderful King,

It is easy falling in love with a person like you.

You are sweet and charming and amazingly yourself to be held apart from.
But the more I know you everyday, is when I realize how difficult it is.

Watching you forget yourself in other’s miseries, I knew I had to take care of you.
Watching you making others smile, I knew I wanted to make you laugh.
Watching you heal others, I knew I wanted to heal you.
You are the epitome of love and divinity.
You know how to hold yourself up even if you are tearing up inside just so that you could hold others up.
I know the struggle you face everyday.

But I’m not going to stop you .
I know that it gives you inner peace.
But I promise to not let you do it alone anymore.
I got you baby. We’ll heal other and heal together. We’ll love others and love each other.
If time could prove how much I love you, I would travel galaxies and back to just show you.

Love, I got your back. Right here and right now and for the centuries to come.
And one day, we’ll sit in our back yard watching our children play and talk of the days McDonald’s was our game.
Showing that love transcends distance and time.

It’s never about you and me. It’s always been about us.
And honey, it just got bigger.

We brought two hearts and bodies together but we also bought two families together.
Let us now sit down together and watch the rain drops play with the grasses and the sunshine smiling at them.
Let’s look up to find each other than a flashing screen.
Let’s make it happen.
Let’s race against time.

From your beautiful queen

Mrs.Navy

The night sky shone of light and colours..

But for me and many a women like me..

It was another night of solitude and prayer..

The world celebrated the beginning of a new year..

But for me and many a women like me..

It was the time to let our masks down and soak the pillow with our memories..

They spoke of shiny days and colourful nights..

But for me and many a women like me..

We kissed our phone screens goodnight..

Dreams were rebuild with the stones of hope..

But for me and many a women like me..

Patience leaked off our hearts as love replenished it again..

Call this a miraculous escapade of the normal world..

But for me and many a women like me .

We checked-in our pain and glory to the perks of being called

Mrs. Navy..

A coffee for the beautiful lady

It surely wasn’t a just another day of my life.

Our college fest was on rage but my rage had a different story.

It’s origin was accounted for by the treacherous activity of a venomous snake which had taken a human- form. ( It’s been 9 months but I yet can’t seem to forgive .. women I am ).

But for the respect of the societal beings I was draped in a 6- yard piece of clothing which belonged to my mother previously.

I dredged my decision to wear a saree from the moment I stepped out of my house. The numerous amount of pins poked around didn’t seem to hold it right and it seemed like the saree didn’t like me either. ( I prefer mutual resentment, so it was ok)

We ( me and my saree) compromised on a deal to stick around till the end of the day and then never to see each other again ( I’m never known to keep my side of the bargain..but that’s a secret..so shhhh)

College was a bore even though I saw glimmering faces all around. So I left early to meet a friend in MacD ( short for Mac Donald)

I didn’t want to go alone so I pulled along my then- friend who wasn’t really reluctant to come along thanks to our mutually – shared rage for the snake.

I entered the place and took a corner seat.

It was a normal scene of two teens sitting on a table with two phones staring at their faces and fingers vigorously punishing the screen for being so bright.

I suddenly look up to find a pair of soft endearing eyes looking at me with a smile ( Nahh..it wasn’t my Mr. Navy).

Those beautiful eyes belonged to his ( now ours) friend. She gave me the brightest smile and I smiled back though secretly wondering if she thinks I’m a homo.

I look back into my phone and the next thing I notice is the man sitting right across her ( his back facing me) suddenly flings his head around and his eyes settling on me.

This sudden turn of events promptly suggested my conclusive brain that she asked him to check me out. I shot a look of indignation and loyally returned my attention to my phone which seemed to be begging for my attention.

A couple of minutes later they exchange seats ( noticed from my strong peripheral vision). I decided then to be a strong girl and looked up to see what they were up to. I was flattered to see a pair of brown pearl- like eyes gleaming at me and curved lips forming a smile. I couldn’t help but smile back.

I returned my attention to my phone. This man then comes up to my table ( that audacity ) and very sweetly ( indeed ) asked if he could keep his bag on our table. I kept staring into blank space and my embarrassed friend acknowledged our table guest. He kept his bag with the same smile and walked off.

My eyes followed his tracks until I lost him in the crowd. And then I realized the friend was missing too. I didn’t pay much heed to the chain of events and sought to scroll Instagram.

A couple of minutes later, I find a charming man ( the same guy though ;p ) standing in front of me with a tray holding a delicious smelling coffee and the same glint in his eyes. Stupid me yet kept staring into blank space.

He kept the tray in from of me with the most charming smile and said,

“A coffee for the beautiful lady”.

I couldn’t do anything as my cheeks flushed with the fresh flow of blood as my brain crackled to find a proper reply.

I smiled widely and he asked me to taste it and let him know if it was good enough because Mr. Navy had made it himself.

I relenquish every second of his mannerisms which stand out . Their gentlemanly nature seems to be born with them. The way they carry themselves is like some form of dance which is beyond the human comprehension of Grace.

I just smiled and blushed deeper as the taste of coffee beans touched my lips and I loved every sip of it.

I thanked him for the coffee and I walked out of the place ( I know it was stupid that I didn’t even ask why he gave me a coffee). I simply enjoyed a free coffee and loads of attention from a well- mannered stranger ( talks of being a strong girl )

I had to use the washroom and when I walk out I see this man standing there looking at me again. I tell my friend about my well- mannered stalker and we keep walking ahead ignoring his silent stare.

A few steps ahead he stopped us and looked at me with the same charming smile and handed me a piece of paper. I didn’t even glance at it as I kept a straight face.

He just smiled wide and said,

I’m looking for a friend in you. That’s my number and my details. Call me only if you feel like. No pressure

Saying this he walked away without turning back even once. I was surprised at the nonchalant behavior but the demeanor he projected was magnetic.

I looked down at the card ( which was by the way a feedback card of MacD). It had his name and number and below this was written his occupation which answered all my questions regarding his projected personality. It read…

Navy Doctor!!!